October 30th
You were everything a loving mother resembled. You made us laugh, you were caring, you stretched the little money you had to make sure we still had holiday spirit. We got to feel special like every kid did; we baked sugar cookies every Christmas, drank eggnog, and put up the tree together. We opened gifts, and watched every classic movie. You weren’t perfect, but you were my mom, and you made me feel like I had a real family.
I was 8 when you and my dad split up, and you got your own apartment. A two bedroom for the four of us. I don’t even remember how I felt about you leaving my dad. I just knew it meant another new school, and making new friends. My Dad wanted to be close to us so secretly, he moved to the same complex. I remember one time you sent me over to my dads apartment to see if he would let me come inside. He cracked the door open, and told me to go away. I ran off, and started crying because I loved him, and I didn’t understand why he didn’t want to see me. You never had shame, or cared if I was in the middle, you talked bad about my dad in front of me, and told me he was the devil because his birthday was June 6th 1956. For a while I just remember it being a constant war between the two of you. You would scream at him, and after you realized we were scared from all the yelling, you would run into the bathroom, and tell us you were going to kill yourself. We begged you to stop, and sometimes you would listen. Other times you kept going. After a while it became a regular thing, and I started to realize you were lying every time you grabbed a belt,or knife and locked yourself in the bathroom. Sometimes my little brother would try to calm you down by giving you a hug, but no matter what we tried to say to lift you up and get you to calm down, it never worked. You were miserable, and I know you felt trapped having us to look after. I was embarrassed when neighbors asked me if you were ok; I got defensive when cops showed up at our place, and threaten to take us away. Grabbing dirty clothes out of the laundry basket, and going to school was the only thing to look forward too so I could feel normal again. Things got better when my dad started inviting us over. His place was the best. He always had snacks for us, and cable to watch the best cartoons! I would stay over all night, and watch the lakers and other cool movies, just me and my dad! Then he would walk me home to go to bed at your place. I think you knew we liked his place more, but I never thought you would leave us.
One day you decided to convert to Islam. I would come home to you praying on a rug on the floor,and a Hijab over your head, and I didn’t really understand why they didn’t like to celebrate Christmas. You spent a lot of time dating online, and one day you met a guy. He lived in Egypt, and wanted to marry you. You were in love, and just like that, you left to Egypt to meet your new husband. Ever since then it was just us. My older sister, my little brother and my Dad. When you left everything left with you. The holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas trees, and presents. My dad loved us to death but holidays weren’t something he was good at, or even really remembered unless we reminded him. He did his best with what he could afford. It was the four of us in a one bedroom apartment. We didn’t have much, but we had each other.
I wasn’t mad, I didn’t know how I felt. I looked forward to your phone calls and I thought of you, but as the years went by, and you never came back, I knew you chose him over us. I was happy you were happy, but sometimes I wish you would comeback, so we could feel like a family again. I was in middle school when you moved back to the states, but you didn’t comeback to us, you came back to get your car that you left with us. Once you got your car you left to New Mexico. We had nothing, And now I was mad! My dad didn’t know what he was going to do. All he had was a bicycle so he decided to make it work. He would over pack his handle bars with groceries until the bike almost lost balance. I remember when we used to see him from the slide door, and we would run outside to help him carry the groceries inside. It wasn’t long after that you got pregnant and started a brand new family. You were the first person to hurt me, and make me feel unwanted, and for some reason, I still loved you. I was 16 when I got my first tattoo. Your initials symbolizing forgiveness. I still had false hope that one day we could be a family again.
Your marriage didn’t last very long once you got him to the United States. You were his ticket here, and you fell for the bait. He left you, and took custody of your son, and now your lonely so you asked me to come live with you. I packed up my things, and I left in the middle of my sophomore year of high school. We were going to Rochester, and I was finally going to feel what A real family felt like! I was so excited to see my older sisters! I hadn’t seen them since I was a kid, so I was so excited, but the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. It didn’t even hit a year before you found someone new online, and took off to Florida. You didn’t want me, and neither did your family, but my friends did. They took me in and loved me when no one else wanted too. My dad kept telling me to come home, but I wanted to prove to myself I could do it on my own, and finish school. I forgave you again, but this time accepted you for who you were. I kept my distance because I lost all respect for you. Every year goes by and I don’t think about you much, but on this day I can’t help but think about you all day. I pray one day you get it together, so we can one day celebrate this day together, and build the relationship we never got to have. You may have never chose me, but I’ll never forget you on October 30th.
Happy Birthday
I was 8 when you and my dad split up, and you got your own apartment. A two bedroom for the four of us. I don’t even remember how I felt about you leaving my dad. I just knew it meant another new school, and making new friends. My Dad wanted to be close to us so secretly, he moved to the same complex. I remember one time you sent me over to my dads apartment to see if he would let me come inside. He cracked the door open, and told me to go away. I ran off, and started crying because I loved him, and I didn’t understand why he didn’t want to see me. You never had shame, or cared if I was in the middle, you talked bad about my dad in front of me, and told me he was the devil because his birthday was June 6th 1956. For a while I just remember it being a constant war between the two of you. You would scream at him, and after you realized we were scared from all the yelling, you would run into the bathroom, and tell us you were going to kill yourself. We begged you to stop, and sometimes you would listen. Other times you kept going. After a while it became a regular thing, and I started to realize you were lying every time you grabbed a belt,or knife and locked yourself in the bathroom. Sometimes my little brother would try to calm you down by giving you a hug, but no matter what we tried to say to lift you up and get you to calm down, it never worked. You were miserable, and I know you felt trapped having us to look after. I was embarrassed when neighbors asked me if you were ok; I got defensive when cops showed up at our place, and threaten to take us away. Grabbing dirty clothes out of the laundry basket, and going to school was the only thing to look forward too so I could feel normal again. Things got better when my dad started inviting us over. His place was the best. He always had snacks for us, and cable to watch the best cartoons! I would stay over all night, and watch the lakers and other cool movies, just me and my dad! Then he would walk me home to go to bed at your place. I think you knew we liked his place more, but I never thought you would leave us.
One day you decided to convert to Islam. I would come home to you praying on a rug on the floor,and a Hijab over your head, and I didn’t really understand why they didn’t like to celebrate Christmas. You spent a lot of time dating online, and one day you met a guy. He lived in Egypt, and wanted to marry you. You were in love, and just like that, you left to Egypt to meet your new husband. Ever since then it was just us. My older sister, my little brother and my Dad. When you left everything left with you. The holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas trees, and presents. My dad loved us to death but holidays weren’t something he was good at, or even really remembered unless we reminded him. He did his best with what he could afford. It was the four of us in a one bedroom apartment. We didn’t have much, but we had each other.
I wasn’t mad, I didn’t know how I felt. I looked forward to your phone calls and I thought of you, but as the years went by, and you never came back, I knew you chose him over us. I was happy you were happy, but sometimes I wish you would comeback, so we could feel like a family again. I was in middle school when you moved back to the states, but you didn’t comeback to us, you came back to get your car that you left with us. Once you got your car you left to New Mexico. We had nothing, And now I was mad! My dad didn’t know what he was going to do. All he had was a bicycle so he decided to make it work. He would over pack his handle bars with groceries until the bike almost lost balance. I remember when we used to see him from the slide door, and we would run outside to help him carry the groceries inside. It wasn’t long after that you got pregnant and started a brand new family. You were the first person to hurt me, and make me feel unwanted, and for some reason, I still loved you. I was 16 when I got my first tattoo. Your initials symbolizing forgiveness. I still had false hope that one day we could be a family again.
Your marriage didn’t last very long once you got him to the United States. You were his ticket here, and you fell for the bait. He left you, and took custody of your son, and now your lonely so you asked me to come live with you. I packed up my things, and I left in the middle of my sophomore year of high school. We were going to Rochester, and I was finally going to feel what A real family felt like! I was so excited to see my older sisters! I hadn’t seen them since I was a kid, so I was so excited, but the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. It didn’t even hit a year before you found someone new online, and took off to Florida. You didn’t want me, and neither did your family, but my friends did. They took me in and loved me when no one else wanted too. My dad kept telling me to come home, but I wanted to prove to myself I could do it on my own, and finish school. I forgave you again, but this time accepted you for who you were. I kept my distance because I lost all respect for you. Every year goes by and I don’t think about you much, but on this day I can’t help but think about you all day. I pray one day you get it together, so we can one day celebrate this day together, and build the relationship we never got to have. You may have never chose me, but I’ll never forget you on October 30th.
Happy Birthday
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