In My Feels...

I never packed a bag so quick in my LIFE! Man, I was excited to leave town! All I could think about was getting Nina in front of me. She had no idea what I had planned for us, I just knew I wanted to see her smile, right before I saw her naked. Three days of unlimited fantasies. It was a relief when I  reached out to Nina after all these years, and she still felt the same way I did. Nina was a whole vibe, I appreciated the essence of time, when I spent my days with her.  Sean confirmed a location, and I instantly invited her to meet me there. Our conversations were very brief, and straight to the point. It was all or nothing in this moment. We were either going to do this, or move on with our lives, watching each other from a distance, like we’ve done the last 6 years. My day dreams of seeing Nina, were suddenly interrupted by loud footsteps of my 4 year old daughter Jo-Jo running into our bedroom. “Good Morning Daddy!” She yelled out, as she jumped on my suitcase full of lies, like

I love Santi, she was my rider, my girl, and the mother of our beautiful daughter. Our relationship made sense; We looked good together. Santi was 5'5 with brown eyes, and a pecan color skin complexion. She always wore her hair natural. Santi's dark soft textured curls, laid freely down her back, stopping near her elbows. Her pearly white smile made everyone melt, and her laugh made me feel warm inside. Santi's coke bottle shape was hypnotizing, as she effortlessly glided across any room. In everyone’s eyes we were the perfect family. I had everything I always wanted, yet nothing I always desired. I saw my life so differently when I was younger. Basketball was my only option, and I had the heart to go all the way. My knee injury came out of no where, like a brick wall in the middle of the fast lane. Facing obstacles was something I was prepared for, but a long term injury mentally destroyed me! I allowed this problem to eat away at my dream, until it was wiped clean off m

I wish someone would have told me falling out of love was a constant game of denial. I found myself clinging on to old memories in attempt  rekindle what we had.  What we had before we damaged each others fragile hearts. The silence within the space we created between us, was far from the love language we once fluently spoke. We thought we fell into a bliss chapter of forever. With time we found we spoke two different languages, and through pain we found answers. As if enduring pain wasn’t enough we held on, and we waited, to see if our forever would come back to us.  

Plan B’s are for people who expect to fail. There is only one plan that should always exist, and that’s to work hard to achieve what you desire. Be confident, be persistent, and don’t be afraid to fall on your face. There are going to be hard times, sleepless nights, and people in your life that will doubt your capability to win. Push away from the dream killers and pull closer to your vision. Surround your energy with individuals who think like you, and open your mind to endless possibilities. You can, and you will receive everything you’re going after. Your future is in your hands, it just depends on how bad you really want it. You are enough, and you are nothing less than amazing. Don’t ever forget it.

My best friend was the only person who knew and didn't judge me. She knew how lonely I was feeling within the walls of my own home. I grabbed my things and walked with her until we approached her front building, where I waited on my uber in the rain. My car arrived and I gave her a hug before I ran off to go somewhere I didn't belong. She watched me run to the car yelling behind me to be careful as I left from her supervision. He always hit my line right on time. Our text messages were always brief, it was better to talk in person. "come over" became the text thread of my savior willing to give me what my body truly deserved. Lying became easier every time I wanted more. I said I was going out with friends most nights, but I knew where I was really headed. Forbidden fruit was the only thing on my mind; Resisting the sensual flavors dangling in front of me was killing me softly. I crept down the block and made a right at 3:30 am. Like a true hero he was standing right